Mickie Engaged To Kenny!?!?

-originally written on 8/7/06-

*This is one of many comical and memorable posts I made on the official Mickie James forum www.mickiejames.com*

Mickie is engaged to Kenny!?

No tell me it’s not true! My Mickie… engaged… to Kenny… of the Spirit squad?

I picked up the guitar and tried to become a rocker to get girls… Kenny picks up a set of pompoms and gets Mickie James. That is so uncool.

Uh oh, I feel myself starting to go through the motions of heartbreak.

1. Denial: No she can’t be engaged to Kenny; he’s a freakin’ cheerleader! This has to be one of those vicious internet rumor things. I don’t believe it! I won’t believe it. Oh god tell me this isn’t happening.

2. Panic: I have to do something. I have to stop this wedding. I have to show her she’s making a mistake, that I’m the guy she needs to marry. Mickie! Mickie, I love you! Don’t do this Mickie, I beg you!

3. Anger: I’m not good enough for you? Is that IT!? I’m just some internet geek you’ve never met, and thus Kenny is such a better choice! How dare you! You… You were lucky that I even cared about you! See if I ever care about you again! You broke my heart, And now I’m gonna break you!

4. Sorrow: So that’s it huh? My little Mickie has her eyes set on some other boy. *sniffle sniffle* My love, my caring, my admiration, my dreams and erotic fantasies; all down the drain. Oh it hurts! All I ever wanted was to put my arms around her and just hold her for a little bit *cries* I just wanted to be Mickie’s boy toy.

5. Acceptance: Oh well, easy come, easy go. My heart may have been crushed, my dreams ruined, but Mickie will always be my favorite Diva. And I will continue to praise her and chant her name when she’s in the ring.

But Mickie, I got to know, what does he have that I don’t? Besides a nice body, a semi-hansom face, fame, money, a job, a car, a license to drive that car, is own house, wrestling skills. Sure he may have all those things, but take away those shiny superficial things and what are ya left with- Me.

Hmm, I don’t come out sounding too good in that.

Let me put it to you another way: Sure he’s got a lot going for him right now, but will he hold you tenderly at night?

Will he snuggle you like a blanket when you sit down to relax?

Will he always make sure that you get more of the blanket when you’re in bed?

Will he make you smile every morning by walking up behind you in the mirror, putting his arms around you from behind, placing his face beside yours, look into the mirror at your faces together and tell you how beautiful you are?

Will he take care of you when you’re sick and nurse you back to health no matter how much you complain from being all ill and cranky?

Will he share his deepest secrets with you, and lock away all of your secret confessions so that you know your secrets will never reach anyone’s ears?

Will he hold you tight and let you cry on him hard, and wipe away your salty, hot stinging tears, and never lose an ounce of respect for you?

Will he cherish and protect your vulnerable side, never allowing the world outside of you and him to know that you’re not always strong and in control?

Will his fingers be crossed during every wrestling performance you give, just hoping that everything goes perfect?

Will he listen to you, deep down into your heart, the things you believe, the things you want, the things you fear?

Will he have the courage to be afraid in front of you?

Will he tell you every morning that you are the greatest female performer in the business, and truly mean it?

Will Kenny do all of these things that I would?

What? He would do all that? He does do all of that? Well then, if he’s so damn good, a regular prince charming, than why don’t you just go out and marry him!!!

Oh, you are marrying him. Well… I’m glad you took my advice there.

But if things don’t work out between you and him, Mickie, I will always be here for you, with my arms out, just waiting for you to break my heart all over again by finding some other guy, who isn’t me, to marry.

Besides, there’s always my second crush: Alexis Laree.

What!? What do you mean they’re the same person!?? Damn I can’t catch a break can I?